1 in 4 families experience miscarriage every year, with 80% of these coming within the first 12 weeks of a pregnancy. For those who experience it, its tears you apart. Last year my wife and I experienced our own baby loss.
My wife and I got married in August of last year. Just before the wedding, we got the best gift we could ask for and that was the news we were expecting a baby. We both cried that day, cried that finally we were going to start our family, with hope for the future and for what this little life was going to go on to achieve. However, within a month we had it confirmed that we had lost our baby.
For those who may be reading this and have experienced it, you will know how we felt then, and how we continue to feel. How quickly excitement can change to sadness, disappointment and emptiness. Whilst it has now been a few months since the miscarriage, my wife and I are doing okay however the sadness still comes back from time to time.
Since our loss, I have been amazed by the number of friends that I have spoken to who said they have experienced baby loss. We have known many of these people for years, and they all say the same thing ‘this is the first time we have really spoken about it with another person’. It struck me when people told us that because it means that when people suffer one of the most agonising losses, the loss of a child, they do not feel able to speak about it. In this country, it means that we have mums, dads and families suffering in silence.
That needs to fundamentally change.
How do we do that?
- As someone who has worked on the issue of mental health, we need to create a culture where talking about loss is welcomed and people are supported. I believe greater education at an early age, through school sex education programs, by focusing on childbirth and family planning in more detail so people can understand what baby loss is, what the signs are and where they can get help and advice.
- Parliament can and must continue to raise awareness of this and the impact it has on people’s lives. Cherilyn Mackrory MP’s recent Westminster Hall debate was a huge step forward in particular for those who have suffered terrible baby loss in the second and third trimester and those who have received the devastating news that their baby has a serious, lethal condition.
- The government has recently changed the guidance regarding partners attending appointments with their pregnant partners but despite this, partners are routinely still being excluded from scans in Early Pregnancy Assessment Units (EPAU), often where a pregnancy loss or impending miscarriage is identified. Leaving women to receive this news alone. The postcode lottery of this policy should be addressed
- Sadly, as the Miscarriage Association has identified, at this time necessary treatment options for the mother after a baby loss are being hampered by the current crisis. Women needing medical assistance are often being offered reduced or delayed treatment, frequently resulting in traumatic experiences where families are left dealing with the physical effects of a miscarriage alone at home. This must be addressed to ensure families are receiving the best care during this time.
Reaching out
Miscarriage and baby loss are a societal issue that need greater attention. Doing this, always starts with talking and reaching out to people. For those who may read this and want to talk about it, I will happily chat with you. There are also amazing organisations out their such as the Miscarriage Association, ARC and Tommy’s who have great resources and contacts. We did decide to name our child, Reign Walker, and I dedicate this blog to them for making our August the greatest month of our life.
James works in Policy and Research with a national Disabled Peoples Organisation after having previously worked at The Scottish Parliament.
He is a graduate of Stirling and Glasgow universities where he gained a BA Hons in Law and Politics as well as Graduate LL.B in Scots Law. He is currently completing a Masters in Human Rights Law at the University of Strathclyde.
He can be contacted at jrwalker2017@outlook.com